answers the most famous pediatrician of France.
The French pediatrician book Aldo Nauru "Educating children - Limits childhood omnipotence», may be released 2012, but it remains one of the most best sellers, despite ... heretical positions. As features will read the back cover of the book:
[The Nauru] urges moms to stop "exercise charm" to their children, dads do not confine themselves to the role of observer, both parents to focus on their relationship. Denounces the "sugary psefdostorgi 'current parents, not educate but maintains a sense of childhood omnipotence undermining the future.
In modern imperative "You are entitled to and have it all" Aldo Nauru counters: "You can not have it all, but you can fight to have as many ". In continuous 'yes' parents dissolving the individual psyche and the social fabric contrasts a "no" that affirms life!
On the occasion of this book, the Nauru spoke at that time in the magazine “Point” and what he said will make you a great deal to think about how you age your children ...
Point: Our children go so bad;
Aldo Naouri: I BELIEVE yes. in 40 years of practicing my profession, I see how things have changed. Their physical health has improved, but have been 10 or 15 years, behavioral and development problems previously unknown.
Point: For example;
Aldo Naouri: Present difficulties related to the delay in learning the language, school problems, hyperactivity problems. The receipt; The incredible growth of professions such as those intended to "restore" and refer to psychometry or elocution.
Point: In your opinion, Before parents resort to a psychologist, They must fulfill their lead role throughout the course of childhood. But do not, why;
Aldo Naouri: In the background of this "guidance weakness", There are two basic facts. The first is to control the 1975 birth contraception. Obviously I am pleased. But everything changes. The baby is no longer an unintended result of the sexual act, but the result of the will of both, therefore positioned on top of family structure.
The second is over the same period from a society of deprivation in an affluent society. Obviously and it satisfies. But in a society of deprivation such as the one we knew before 70, the intimate message there in education was: "You can not have it all '. Was provided in a state that the least we could qualify this was the rebuttal (cancellation), that psychoanalysts call lack and that is in my view essential to a child's education from early age what. Today the message of the consumer society, and therefore the parents themselves are "Not only can you have it all, but as we, you are entitled to all ".
Point: Suggests that it is the middle classes who should take the lead of their children.
Aldo Naouri: absolutely. Because they were benefiting from increasing wealth. How to raise their children in an abundance that is so new; At the risk of shocking, I think that the upper classes of society who had this heritage and did not experience the brutal enrichment, better march, why continue to have the denial in education, either pleases or not children.
Point: Your theory might apply to good neighborhoods, but most of today society ruled by the abundance. Children of difficult neighborhoods are frustrated and do not go well.
Aldo Naouri: I myself come from misery, from which I was able to go and I am not alone in my generation. But I grew up in a time when the message was: "You can not have it all, but you can strive to have as many ". This is awesome, is growing up in deprivation and society makes you believe that you are entitled to everything. It is something that you might be crazy.
Point: Why do so many parents complain, they can not take the lead role;
Aldo Naouri: What justifies the kathodigitikotita not anger, not slapping or wood which damn, is the hierarchy within the family and above all the feeling that there. When there is not the slightest doubt on the right of kathodigein, when we do not use methods of luring, then the role of tutor works. Many parents are involved in negotiations, to bargain with their children. But negotiating with someone equal to us!
Point: This person is not a child;
Aldo Naouri: A small child is a personality worthy of respect. But no not yet an equal interlocutor.
Point: But it is not your fault, of pediatricians, psychologists and other specialists for children, that parents do not feel as mentors; Books and major theories and know that practicing, do not prove that you are who you deprive this role;
Aldo Naouri: absolutely! But not to put me through. All my work, thirty years, composed just from trying to persuade parents to regain their status and to regain confidence in themselves. I told the Dolto *: "Because of your views parents have moungathei, so I advise them not hear you!». He had such a talent to make the paralyzed parents. I prefer parents make mistakes, but they assume their responsibilities and their rights are 'high-ranking' and kids 'low', than those who rely on recipes of psychiatrists.
Point: you claim, you a fanatic of psychoanalysis that the position taken by the subconscious in our society is an obstacle to education!
Aldo Naouri: But education is not healing process! It is a commitment of drives! The word that can do the most damage within families is the word 'traumatic'. We fear the suffering children, so there very well the frustration, preventing them grow ... they're like when you come to the pediatrician with their children oktachrona, together with a bottle or to a pacifier in the mouth, because the parent does not know how to prevent it without "injuring". Suffice to get their!
Point: Use words very hard for parents, but it is above all mothers as usual within your writings, accused of all evils. One could say that after 40 year fellowship in your office, You can not even see them!
Aldo Naouri: instead, commiserate with their fate and I want to help the! Have them under a lot of pressure that motherhood and that of the profession, that to keep have found a simple way to curated their narcissism: They are loved by their young children thanks to all, tonnages thoroughly at their disposal. This destruction!
Point: But today women work, invest outside their children. How they can be put at their disposal;
Aldo Naouri: Trying to recover each night to a half hour of the ten hours of absence! what wrong! I try to convince them that their presence does not have the importance of give and how their babies, five minutes after the found, it is as if they had all day. No need something to "recover".
Point: one feels your empathy for their fathers ... It's a little bright, just left the patriarchal society, just as man and woman experiencing gender and complain about their poor fathers.
Aldo Naouri: I admit empathy. But the father and mother are not equal. Endometrial relations leave indelible traces in children, they know immediately what the mother from which they can not "exempt", while the father of a baby is a stranger. The mother has to invest in word and society to support it in a proper position, which is not interchangeable with that of dumb mama. Do the opposite and everyone loses. Remember the judge Bruel report on violence in the suburbs 1998. The diagnosis was not
doubt: lack of father!
Point: But the fathers of today are more present, invest much more in their children.
Aldo Naouri: It is wonderful, but once again, if they do not invest and do not recognize the role of the mother's voice and the whole society, if considered as second mothers, there is nothing to add to the child's education. A father can not be present and do not have any reason. So I see! This is not the introduction of ten five days paternity leave which will restore the position. Encouragingly society and mothers to accept, that the father plays an important role in education dialectical: Attractive mother to femininity and crush the child's mother relationship.
Point: If this "deficiency in education" perpetuated, what risks entering society;
Aldo Naouri: A person whose childhood omnipotence has not stopped the ongoing training, at the ripe age will live in anguish, in selfishness and obsession. I immediately recognize these adults! If parents do not epanaependysoun in their role, our society at risk of rupture in the social fabric, which is already present. Risks being left rudderless.
Point: At what depth is for your child in properly grown up;
Aldo Naouri: Is calm child.
*Dolto (1908 –1988), famous French pediatrician and psychoanalyst who worked on the psychoanalysis of children.